Torn

The OCD part of me really wants me to blog today.... but I dont know if I have anything to bust out..... I am again feeling very energized today... I really think it may be due to this cleanse, bc I really do not know what else to attribute it to.... I went to bed late last night. My Feng Shui definately SUCKS right now. I haven't ingested much caffeine.... yehh soo it has to be the cleanse working its MAGIC....

Sometimes I really feel like I am a shitty girlfriend, because I can be somewhat unaffectionate, and distant. I also like to have a somewhat seperate life from my boyfriend, not totally, but I just like to go out and do things with my friends without him sometimes and its really nothing against him.....I just think that its healthy to do that and I always hated girls who dragged their boyfriends into EVERYTHING that we would do... It's like why??? I think my boyfriend and I have an understanding there, but at this time of our lives its sooo hard to spend time with each other as well as friends and I feel bad when I want to go hang out with my friends, but I also feel bad not hanging out with my friends. You got to keep your friends, ya know? You can't not hang out with them because you have a boyfriend. I don't want to be THAT person. It happens way too much and it is shitty. Ya know how many friends have gotten like LOST because they are in these relationships where they don't really come and out hang - It doesnt have to be all the time, but at least once in a while - SHOW YOUR FACE! I understand in the beginning of a relationship if you want to spend every minute with that special one - IT HAPPENS but there comes a time when you need to come out and socialize outside of the two of you, RIGHT?? I think its only healthy.... but yehh I sometimes feel torn, because I want to hang out with my friends, but I don't want my boyfriend to feel as if I don't want to hang out with him. And lately I haven't been really into the bar scene or any of that stuff and that also makes it harder to hang out with some of my friends, because thats what they do and I feel bad CONSTANTLY turning them down ..I really don't know where this is going so maybe I will end that right here. It's just sometimes I choose my friends over my boyfriend and I dont know if that is right or not... Is that shitty??? It actually makes me want to LIVE with my boyfriend more and more, because then at least I would be coming home to him and be guaranteed TIME with him on a daily basis. I think if we lived together we'd be even happier than we are and we are pretty happy together. My boyfriend lives with a roommate who has a girlfriend that is ALWAYS around , like practically lives there and I wonder sometimes if he wishes I was like that. I know that he doesnt - he has told me, but I know that he gets lonely too. I just hate "thinking I may have been the cause" of any loneliness or pain he might feel. I want to make him happy and that's all.

I HAVE to stop now....