Judgement

This is my first blog EVER... I have many times started to write a blog and then chickened out. For some reason I've always just been too nervous about putting my feelings and thoughts out there for people to read. I think I am afraid to be judged sometimes, which probably has come from a life of being "judged"...always being monitored, and supervised, and told what to do... "Christina, what are you doing? Why are you doing it that way? and Why dont you do it this way??" That is what life in my household is like and this has probably imprinted a whole slew of issues on me. I am very unsure of myself, always second guessing things that I really DO KNOW, I am not a GREAT decision maker, even if I really know what I want. I just dont want to be the one to make the decision most of the time. I'd rather someone tell me their decision that way I know they are happy and I know most of the time the decision wont bother me because I'm not a picky person with most things..... Now, Im not saying I am a pushover, because if I feel STRONGLY about something I will fight till I get what I want... but I do seem to live my life to please others, and I realize this.... but its hard to please EVERYONE, especially in my world, so I don't really accomplish this........

Sometimes I feel like I live almost a TRIPLE life..... I feel like there's a Home ME, a Work Me, and then a Friends me (and that may even be divided into two, with people I am close with and people that I am not that close with)... I think it can be very hard to get to know the REAL me, which I would categorize as the "Friends Me (the ones I am close with)" this is the best me, the fun, outgoing, goofy, chill, creative, etc. me... At home I feel like I can be somewhat of a bitch as well as introverted, I am almost always on edge and somewhat uncomfortable being the REAL me in front of my family, and again I guess that has to do with "judgement" and feeling judged by my parents, especially my father. He really knows how to make me feel judged..... At work I am probably more myself but just a bit more serious, but I am thinking that is pretty normal.... All of these "Mes" make up the REAL me and they all intertwine in reality, but there are just extremes in different environments....Do you have these different versions of yourself?? Maybe you don't because you are extremely confident and comfortable with who you are and why should you change yourself to the environment you are in????