Ambition

I really do not feel like working today... It's Friday and I tend to feel this way every week. Not many people in my office come in on Fridays and it can be soooooo quiet - today is one of THOSE days.... I have work that I have made for myself, but don't really feel like doing at all.... I am so thankful to have a job right now, but lately I have been thinking that I really need something MORE.... My mind is bored because the stimulation is somewhat minimal. I know I am an extremely smart person and I really believe taht I am not living to my potential right now. It sucks! I know that my mind could be put to much better use..... and I know it may be my fault for lack of ambition and of course my insecurites I have discussed before, such as being unsure of myself most of the time. I just wish something would fall into my lap. I love the environment here at my job, but there is just something missing...... I also feel there is lack of support in leaving the field I am currently in from my father, I have mentioned that I don't know if this is the best career path for me to him before and he's just made me feel like I am an idiot, but it SHOULD be about what I want and what I am interested in, shouldnt it be? All the things I have ever been passionate about and really interested in, I was always told that they were fields tht were "too hard" to get into, but who says that I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO GET INTO THEM. If I have talent and enough passion for something I believe I could do anything, but I've always let those words influence me and told myself that they are justified and that I should keep those things JUST as hobbies for me to enjoy on the side, but now its like WHO has time for hobbies?? I rarely get the time or am able to "make" the time to partake in my hobbies and I just wish I could incorporate them somehow into my job.....

I always said that I would be something great one day..... and I really just feel like I am falling short, granted I am in a better position for this than many others my age, but I feel like my dreams are out of reach right now and I don't like it. I wish I could just see some sort of potential for a movement to something GREATER... I create these ideas in my head sometimes that maybe this will happen and then I will get my BIG CHANCE to do something great, but really is that really going to happen for me??? I just wish it would.

The economy is sooo bad right now and in my field of work I feel like EVERYONE is walking around on their tippy toes just hoping they don't get fired. I also feel like it is such a bad time for ANYTHING to happen for me, because who wants to promote at this point? It's soo unfair. It is also unfair that I feel I have an improper job title and do a HELL of a lot more work than people with the same official job title and probably get paid the same... I feel like I am always caught in situations like this, that people underestimate me, or don't realize my potential and/or everything I do; maybe even take advantage of me. I just hope that ONE day I will get MINE. Karma has to kick in right? I still know that some day I will do something great, because I am far from average or mediocre. I guess right now I just need to be patient because of the terrible economy and keep my eyes and ears open and maybe be a bit more ambitious. I definately do not want to get stuck in a dead end job and a "routine" that I am unhappy with. I am not saying that's where I am at now, I am definately happy with my work environment and the opportunities I get here and there, but if things continue the way they are forever I will be BORED and miserable.....I think. hahah