I think I am an old soul with a child's heart. Does that make sense? It's kind of an oxymoron, but it's not. Think about it. I just know that I can act like an old woman sometimes, but I still enjoy the simple things in life. I am easily excited and like to make light of anything that is thrown my way.
We are coming down to the grind on the house buying. There have been MANY BUMPS in the road that have driven me crazy, but All in ALL everything has worked out well....knock on wood. Today is the day we get our mortgage commitment and I am hoping from here out is SMOOTH sailing???? You never know though, I've thought that before then encountered ANOTHER bump in the road. I am getting very anxious and can't wait to move in!!! To be FREE!!! To have my own life!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! I am 25 and never have felt totally free because of the way I have been raised and now finallyI will be free and feel free. I think this will be GREAT for me, as well as Matt, and just US as a WHOLE. The money still makes me nervous, but I have been doing my best to save and to pay as many bills off as I can and Ive done alright. I am trying to set myself up for SUCCESS!
The house is very homey and I know we will make it even more cozy once we move in . It warms me inside to just thinking about walking around the house in my bare feet and being in my OWN kitchen, having our own yard and big living room, office space, and just SPACE!! ahhh I LOVE IT! It makes me smile :D. Life is good.
We've hired a new marketing guy at work, and I want ohh so bad to love him and to learn from him and possibly be taken under his wing. It's just that so far, I've had a few negative experiences with him, but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, and try to tell myself I WILL LIKE HIM... I just don't like him YET. He will grow on me, he needs to get comfortable in his new environment. Let's hope! Marketing has always been my PASSION in the business world. I just feel that it is something I could be good at, and I think I hold a pretty good understanding of it. It's what I said I wanted to do right out of school, but all the jobs I'd like to do are all things that seem to be HARD to get into without any experience, which boggles my mind a bit. How do you get the experience if NO ONE will hire you into the position?? hmmmmm.... It's always seems to be more about WHO you know rather than WHAT you now in this world and it's very unfortunate that is hast to be that way. The world is a corrupt unfair place though in many aspects.
I am really hungry right now and my brain won't think about anything but food. Not good. I have work to do, and this blog probably won't go any further... At least I got a blog in this week. I wonder if any random people ever read this. If so, Thanks?! If not, whatever, it is more for my sanity and venting purposes. I like to put things out there, because if you keep them bottled up it's not healthy. Express yourself! PEACE!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Making up
Here I am again... Bloggity Blog - TWICE in ONE week! I am making up for all the blogging I HAVEN'T done....kind of.....
Today I am in a BLAH mood, I feel tired and sad and very unmotivated. I have kind of been up and down this week. I go from being VERY positive, motivated, inspired to I just don't want to do anything... I think I am just tired because at night I am so restless. My back has been hurting more than usual at night and I never know how to lay. My last blog from earlier in the week was pretty positive, but today I am feeling almost opposite. I am excited tomorrow is a day off though, and hopefully I will get some rest and start feeling like my optimistic self again. I DO consider myself an optimist, I always try to point out the positive in everything, sometimes to extremes where I even just have to LAUGH at MYSELF.
Today I am not as happy with my job, because I realize that I've definately become less of a go getter. this is something that i lack passion and confidence in. Looking for a new job kind of scares me... and it's not like I am miserable here, but I just feel like I could be so much better at something else, something more active and interactive and creative. I always imagined working in some creative team to create something - just working off each other's ideas and putting together something great! I work with a team here and they put together a great portfolio of stocks, BUT BLAH that's so boring! (to me that is!) I want to do arts and crafts!!! hahahaha...
Tomorrow we are getting our hopefully "soon to be home" inspected, and that will be something to make me happy and i will be able to get my creativity flowing with the decorating of it once we move in. Life moves soo fast, and it just gets faster and faster - years start to feel like months and months start to feel like weeks, and weeks start to feel like days and what do we do with all this time?? I dont know, much of it is probably wasted on doing absolutely nothing. Why isn't life easier? I just want to enjoy it and do whatever my heart's desire and not have to stress..... There are so many beautiful things to see out there and not many people get the chance to go out and enjoy them. Most of my life is spent in an office and that is kind of sad, but this is America's culture, work, work, work , and more work. America needs to adapt a better quality of life as its culture... 4 day work weeks have ALWAYS sounded genious to me, as well as taking a break in the middle of the day like in Europe, everyone goes home to relax in the middle of the day. I bet productivity would be increased, and company's overhead would go down. They would save money on mostly energy costs amongst other things.
I feel like DOODIE! What is wrong..... I just want to take a nap at this point. I am very irritable and I just don't like people right now. Wahhhhh!! I need to go work out tonight, last night I slacked and the night before I didnt do anything either. I just been beached on my bed watching stupid meaningless television shows. My neck hurts and I feel like it is the root of all my back pain. I don't know what to do about it, last time I tried to talk to my doctor about it, she wanted to prescribe me some sort of pain killer and I was like NO! I felt ignored and not taken seriously and it has discouraged me from going back to see her about anything. I've been working to have better posture, becuase I've been really noticing my horrible posture - hunchback McGee! Apparently, I feel like complaining today. I am not really a complainer, but I guess everyone has their moments.
Sometimes I find such comfort in silence and being alone and I just become very peaceful and productive. Is that strange?
Today I am in a BLAH mood, I feel tired and sad and very unmotivated. I have kind of been up and down this week. I go from being VERY positive, motivated, inspired to I just don't want to do anything... I think I am just tired because at night I am so restless. My back has been hurting more than usual at night and I never know how to lay. My last blog from earlier in the week was pretty positive, but today I am feeling almost opposite. I am excited tomorrow is a day off though, and hopefully I will get some rest and start feeling like my optimistic self again. I DO consider myself an optimist, I always try to point out the positive in everything, sometimes to extremes where I even just have to LAUGH at MYSELF.
Today I am not as happy with my job, because I realize that I've definately become less of a go getter. this is something that i lack passion and confidence in. Looking for a new job kind of scares me... and it's not like I am miserable here, but I just feel like I could be so much better at something else, something more active and interactive and creative. I always imagined working in some creative team to create something - just working off each other's ideas and putting together something great! I work with a team here and they put together a great portfolio of stocks, BUT BLAH that's so boring! (to me that is!) I want to do arts and crafts!!! hahahaha...
Tomorrow we are getting our hopefully "soon to be home" inspected, and that will be something to make me happy and i will be able to get my creativity flowing with the decorating of it once we move in. Life moves soo fast, and it just gets faster and faster - years start to feel like months and months start to feel like weeks, and weeks start to feel like days and what do we do with all this time?? I dont know, much of it is probably wasted on doing absolutely nothing. Why isn't life easier? I just want to enjoy it and do whatever my heart's desire and not have to stress..... There are so many beautiful things to see out there and not many people get the chance to go out and enjoy them. Most of my life is spent in an office and that is kind of sad, but this is America's culture, work, work, work , and more work. America needs to adapt a better quality of life as its culture... 4 day work weeks have ALWAYS sounded genious to me, as well as taking a break in the middle of the day like in Europe, everyone goes home to relax in the middle of the day. I bet productivity would be increased, and company's overhead would go down. They would save money on mostly energy costs amongst other things.
I feel like DOODIE! What is wrong..... I just want to take a nap at this point. I am very irritable and I just don't like people right now. Wahhhhh!! I need to go work out tonight, last night I slacked and the night before I didnt do anything either. I just been beached on my bed watching stupid meaningless television shows. My neck hurts and I feel like it is the root of all my back pain. I don't know what to do about it, last time I tried to talk to my doctor about it, she wanted to prescribe me some sort of pain killer and I was like NO! I felt ignored and not taken seriously and it has discouraged me from going back to see her about anything. I've been working to have better posture, becuase I've been really noticing my horrible posture - hunchback McGee! Apparently, I feel like complaining today. I am not really a complainer, but I guess everyone has their moments.
Sometimes I find such comfort in silence and being alone and I just become very peaceful and productive. Is that strange?
Monday, January 11, 2010
2010
So I have been slacking with the blogging, but here I am forcing myself to get back on the wagon today... I am not really feeling the whole blog today, so this may be painful to read, but it could also flourish into a spectacular entry so don't give up on me now!
Matt and I have gotten the contract for a house, we have just finished attorney review after a LONG and STRESSFUL process and this Thursday we are getting the house inspected!!! I am oh so excited about living with Matt and having our own SPACE and decorating, cooking, having dinner parties and just spending loads of time cleaning, organizing, and making our house wonderful....On the other hand, I am a little nervous about making mortgage payments and paying all the expenses. Ive been trying to be a little thrifty this month to see how much I can save, and I've worked to cut some of my expenses which is wonderful, and something I should have done long ago. It's so stupid when you realize the littlest things can cut your expenses by so much and you don't realize it till you NEED to. I've been praying a lot, and it seems the only way I can fall asleep lately is by praying in my head till I fall asleep. I think we should be fine, but I've NEVER lived on my own and I know that SOMETIMES I can be careless with my money. I have definately overcame a lot of the anxiety I was having at first about all the $$$$$$, but there is still of course SOME anxiety still present. I am lucky to have a decent paying job and I am really proud of Matt and I for doing this on our own....
I had always imagined that my father would play a big part in helping me buy my first house, which he has, but not financially (due to shitty economy and unfortunate business events)..... We also thought that maybe Matt's father would help us out, but as of now we are doing it on our own with our own hard earned $$$. Look at us! For anyone out there who has never bought a house and knows nothing about it, let me warn you it's A LOT MORE WORK than you can ever imagine. I never realized how much a process the whole thing is, and I think maybe buying a home in New Jersey is an even BIGGER process than most states. We've have also been somewhat unfortunate in the fact that the seller of the house we are buying has not been the easiest person to work with, but in the end this should ALL be worth it and I feel like my ADULT LIFE will finally begin!!!
Life is GOOD - I've been really happy lately. Matt and I have been GREAT together. We just CONNECT and it's such a great feeling. Sometimes I try to make myself think of things Matt will not like about me when we move in together...but I can't really think of much, what I think of the most is me being weird, or having mood swings, or even me being very go! go! go! when he can be more lax - but these all seem minor to me and they are things he already knows about me. We have been together for so long (almost 7 years) that there is probably not much we DONT know about each other.
This work day kind of flew by... I was busy for most of the day, till now when I decided to stop working and come here to BLOG! My quality of work life has been better lately too, I think because I have been busy with personal and business stuff, so it keeps me on my toes which I enjoy. I think I am just an overall active person, and when I feel like I've accomplished a lot in my day I feel good. I am not really good at relaxing....Well I mean I like to relax and be a total BUM here and there, WHO DOESNT, but I find I am a much happier, more motivated person, the more I have going on to some extent, sometimes I can get overwhelmed and want to FREAK OUT or sometimes when there is too much I want to do I just end up doing NOTHING out of complete confusion on where to start. I've gone back to the gym, and started hooping more, and I am really enjoying hoop dancing, it's a great workout, and really challenges my coordination, i.e. doing a shoulder shimmy and hooping at the same time - not really going to happen. I think I can BARELY shoulder shimmy by itself, but it makes you more aware of your body and muscles and different movements. It's great! I reccommend hoola hooping as excercise to anyone. It's fun as well as challenging! Get ONE!
Matt and I have gotten the contract for a house, we have just finished attorney review after a LONG and STRESSFUL process and this Thursday we are getting the house inspected!!! I am oh so excited about living with Matt and having our own SPACE and decorating, cooking, having dinner parties and just spending loads of time cleaning, organizing, and making our house wonderful....On the other hand, I am a little nervous about making mortgage payments and paying all the expenses. Ive been trying to be a little thrifty this month to see how much I can save, and I've worked to cut some of my expenses which is wonderful, and something I should have done long ago. It's so stupid when you realize the littlest things can cut your expenses by so much and you don't realize it till you NEED to. I've been praying a lot, and it seems the only way I can fall asleep lately is by praying in my head till I fall asleep. I think we should be fine, but I've NEVER lived on my own and I know that SOMETIMES I can be careless with my money. I have definately overcame a lot of the anxiety I was having at first about all the $$$$$$, but there is still of course SOME anxiety still present. I am lucky to have a decent paying job and I am really proud of Matt and I for doing this on our own....
I had always imagined that my father would play a big part in helping me buy my first house, which he has, but not financially (due to shitty economy and unfortunate business events)..... We also thought that maybe Matt's father would help us out, but as of now we are doing it on our own with our own hard earned $$$. Look at us! For anyone out there who has never bought a house and knows nothing about it, let me warn you it's A LOT MORE WORK than you can ever imagine. I never realized how much a process the whole thing is, and I think maybe buying a home in New Jersey is an even BIGGER process than most states. We've have also been somewhat unfortunate in the fact that the seller of the house we are buying has not been the easiest person to work with, but in the end this should ALL be worth it and I feel like my ADULT LIFE will finally begin!!!
Life is GOOD - I've been really happy lately. Matt and I have been GREAT together. We just CONNECT and it's such a great feeling. Sometimes I try to make myself think of things Matt will not like about me when we move in together...but I can't really think of much, what I think of the most is me being weird, or having mood swings, or even me being very go! go! go! when he can be more lax - but these all seem minor to me and they are things he already knows about me. We have been together for so long (almost 7 years) that there is probably not much we DONT know about each other.
This work day kind of flew by... I was busy for most of the day, till now when I decided to stop working and come here to BLOG! My quality of work life has been better lately too, I think because I have been busy with personal and business stuff, so it keeps me on my toes which I enjoy. I think I am just an overall active person, and when I feel like I've accomplished a lot in my day I feel good. I am not really good at relaxing....Well I mean I like to relax and be a total BUM here and there, WHO DOESNT, but I find I am a much happier, more motivated person, the more I have going on to some extent, sometimes I can get overwhelmed and want to FREAK OUT or sometimes when there is too much I want to do I just end up doing NOTHING out of complete confusion on where to start. I've gone back to the gym, and started hooping more, and I am really enjoying hoop dancing, it's a great workout, and really challenges my coordination, i.e. doing a shoulder shimmy and hooping at the same time - not really going to happen. I think I can BARELY shoulder shimmy by itself, but it makes you more aware of your body and muscles and different movements. It's great! I reccommend hoola hooping as excercise to anyone. It's fun as well as challenging! Get ONE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)