Making up

Here I am again... Bloggity Blog - TWICE in ONE week! I am making up for all the blogging I HAVEN'T done....kind of.....



Today I am in a BLAH mood, I feel tired and sad and very unmotivated. I have kind of been up and down this week. I go from being VERY positive, motivated, inspired to I just don't want to do anything... I think I am just tired because at night I am so restless. My back has been hurting more than usual at night and I never know how to lay. My last blog from earlier in the week was pretty positive, but today I am feeling almost opposite. I am excited tomorrow is a day off though, and hopefully I will get some rest and start feeling like my optimistic self again. I DO consider myself an optimist, I always try to point out the positive in everything, sometimes to extremes where I even just have to LAUGH at MYSELF.



Today I am not as happy with my job, because I realize that I've definately become less of a go getter. this is something that i lack passion and confidence in. Looking for a new job kind of scares me... and it's not like I am miserable here, but I just feel like I could be so much better at something else, something more active and interactive and creative. I always imagined working in some creative team to create something - just working off each other's ideas and putting together something great! I work with a team here and they put together a great portfolio of stocks, BUT BLAH that's so boring! (to me that is!) I want to do arts and crafts!!! hahahaha...



Tomorrow we are getting our hopefully "soon to be home" inspected, and that will be something to make me happy and i will be able to get my creativity flowing with the decorating of it once we move in. Life moves soo fast, and it just gets faster and faster - years start to feel like months and months start to feel like weeks, and weeks start to feel like days and what do we do with all this time?? I dont know, much of it is probably wasted on doing absolutely nothing. Why isn't life easier? I just want to enjoy it and do whatever my heart's desire and not have to stress..... There are so many beautiful things to see out there and not many people get the chance to go out and enjoy them. Most of my life is spent in an office and that is kind of sad, but this is America's culture, work, work, work , and more work. America needs to adapt a better quality of life as its culture... 4 day work weeks have ALWAYS sounded genious to me, as well as taking a break in the middle of the day like in Europe, everyone goes home to relax in the middle of the day. I bet productivity would be increased, and company's overhead would go down. They would save money on mostly energy costs amongst other things.

I feel like DOODIE! What is wrong..... I just want to take a nap at this point. I am very irritable and I just don't like people right now. Wahhhhh!! I need to go work out tonight, last night I slacked and the night before I didnt do anything either. I just been beached on my bed watching stupid meaningless television shows. My neck hurts and I feel like it is the root of all my back pain. I don't know what to do about it, last time I tried to talk to my doctor about it, she wanted to prescribe me some sort of pain killer and I was like NO! I felt ignored and not taken seriously and it has discouraged me from going back to see her about anything. I've been working to have better posture, becuase I've been really noticing my horrible posture - hunchback McGee! Apparently, I feel like complaining today. I am not really a complainer, but I guess everyone has their moments.

Sometimes I find such comfort in silence and being alone and I just become very peaceful and productive. Is that strange?