Ode to Autumn

Tonight I am forcing myself to sit down in front of the computer at the end of the day with a glass of wine and write here. I have been telling myself for a while now, that I would do this, but never actually follow through......now that I spent about 20 minutes straightening up my studio/office/guestroom, I might be ready to write something worth publishing here.  -- It's a Friday night, and I've spent it drinking red wine, baking pumpkin breads - yes plural- one plain, one with chocolate chunks and cashews, folding Zoey's laundry,while watching Bill Maher (kind of a big fan of his), puttering around the house and now that brings me here to the computer typing away nonsense.

Every year, I think that I convince myself that Summer is my favorite season.  I love the long days, cooking outside, swimming, tan skin, the sun, the beach, the flowers, the fruit, the clothes, nights on the deck, etc. -- even though I am grown  up, summer still feels like a bit of a break from reality.  I tend to indulge more in the summer.  And then September comes, and being a resident at the jersey shore has me all like, "locals summer", let's drag this thing out as long as we can! But once the fall eases in, I remember, that Fall/autumn (I'm not sure which I like better) is my  ACTUAL favorite.  It makes me feel alive, the colors, the temperatures, the air seems fresher, nature does amazing things - It is like the Sunday of the seasons -- winding down the year, making you feel comfy and cozy.  My phone and camera are already filled with so many photos of things fall.  My husband's brother recently moved to PA, and we took a ride up there last weekend to go to a Fall Festival at Elk Mountain.  The scenery along the way had me snapping so many photos, I was beginning to annoy myself.  I love driving through the mountains this time of year.  Have I mentioned I love the fall? Anyway, this year I am really embracing it.  I decorated the house the way I've always wanted to with corn stalks, and hay stacks, and scarecrows, and mums.... of course pumpkins too. We went to a fall festival, Zoey and I have been spending lots of time outside on trails, at the park, in the yard.  I have been cooking some seasonal favorites. And I am looking forward to future enjoyable fall days,

FALL in love with Autumn :P

Because I'm Freeeeeeee......Freewriting!

The weather has been seasonably warm and I was already starting to catch the spring fever. I went for a run last night when I got home from work because it was still LIGHT out which I LOVE and the weather was just amazing, the air fresh, the temperature perfect for running... I just wanted to breathe in the slightly cool air all night. I really wish I had my own place, because last night I would have had friends over to sit outside and just hang out and enjoy the beautiful weather, clear skies, and on top of that it was a FULL Moon, which made the sky light up and it never really got fully dark..... ahhh I could have sat outside all night... BUT this morning the temperatures DROPPED and the wind picked up and it is now AGAIN WINTER and blustering cold and I got caught in a wind tunnel walking from the subway to my office this morning. There is this one spot on the way to my office where the wind just thrives and you feel like it is trying to kidnap you and take you for a ride. I never wished for a winter to be over soo much, this year it has felt extra long and extra frigid. I can not wait for green grass, beach days, picnics, the hot beating sun on my skin, warm sand in my toes, long days, walks in the park, bike rides, barbecues, relaxing by the pool, hookah smooking, summer nights, spring days, outdoor concerts, frozen margaritas, blooming gardens, watermelon, fresh corn on the cob, A Tan, ohhh the countless things I love about spring and summer. I do appreciate ALL the seasons, but I am just sick of this winter for some reason. It is the first time I have felt this way.

I am going to Canada for Easter, and I am afraid the weather is going to be COLD there and I really wish that the family was just meeting somewhere WARM for the holiday. I would much prefer that and I think everyone else would too. My dad bought us all plane tickets and he didnt invite Matt (my boyfriend) or mention anything about Matt coming. I feel bad, but what can I do. I wish I was staying home to take care of my dog and enjoy the empty house, instead Vanessa is going to take care of her while we are gone. I am hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised and do something fun and interesting while I am there, but we are there for soo short and will probaly be preoccupied with family visits. That is just how it is...

I just realized today is Thursday, and that is my favorite day of the week. The day is kind of dragging though, especially compared to the previous days this week. They have all FLOWN by, but one more day to go before the weekend, and I am hoping to have a nice weekend this weekend. We are going to the city Saturday night for this girl Sarah's birthday and I am trying to have a positive outlook on the night but I can not help but worry that it is going to suck, but I am trying not to think that way. It's just that some of the people that will be there sure do know how to make me feel like an outcast and disliked and uncomfortable. I have felt unwelcomed by some and even maybe disliked by some. It's hard to have a good time with those vibes floating around me. On the other hand we are going OUT to a bar so if those people make me feel uncomfortable then I can talk to randoms, which is one of my FAVE past times. I love meeting new people and talking to them and giving them like the third degree, asking question after question and just learning about them. I think it is sooo much fun. Another thing on my side is that Matt will be there with me, no beer pong table to distract him and we usually have a GREAT time when we go out in the city. The venue sounds really cool like a rock and roll club, with bands on one floor, a dj on another, and a rooftop bar. I dig all that stuff. I also do not have to drive at all so alcohol will be consumed by me hahahhahah... I have read bad reviews about the place we are going to but it sounds pretty cool and Im not going to let the reviews sway me away from the place, even though if it were my bday and I had chosen the place to go out. I MOST likely would NOT have chosen that place based on the reviews.... hahah... but I am just very particular like that, if I am going out and planning a night out - I research and research and research soo we can try to find the best fit for our budget and needs. My friends and I have had some great nights out because of that. We will be able to drink at this girl's apartment before we go out so that we dont need to spend so much money on drinks and I was even thinking about being EXTRA Ghetto and bringing a flask in hahahahhah... I can't believe I am posting this. One of the main complaints of the venue in the review was the high priced drinks made with crap alcohol, as well as the rude staff... bringing a flask just helps to avoid some of the cons of the place LOL.

I think the day is dragging because I am kind of dragging and there is not much for me to do today. When this happens I always get anxiety that I am forgetting to do something. That happens to me before I leave to.... I have to stop for a second to make sure I finished all my tasks for the day. I also have this fear that one day Im going to leave the office and its REALLY not going to be 5:00pm. That I am just going to think it is, or look at the wrong time somewhere. I dont know why...but I check the time like 3 times before I leave. I check it on my work phone, on my computer, and on my cell phone hahahahah... I guess its kind of OCD.

This blog is pretty random and I definately was struggling at some points to get my flow on, but thats how it goes. I once had a class in middle school I think where I teacher would give us 5 or 10 minutes in the beginning of class to just "freewrite" and you would write about whatever came to your mind. I think it was one of my favorite things to do. This blog reminds of that exercise. Did you ever Freewrite in school?