Frustration

I find myself getting more and more frustrated with my job. I am completely bored with what I do. It's almost brainless and somewhat useless at some points.....And i have a brain that wants to go go go!! I really just dont think the people around me see my potential. They don't realize I am an intellect and I just feel STUCK.... I want to MOVE out of this position into something where I feel like I can actually MAKE some sort of IMPACT.... I LOVE TO LEARN and be challenged and I am just NOT feeling that way...

We hired a new marketing guy and I tried to show him that I was interested in what he does... Striking up convo, asking about marketing techniques and just picking his brain - Today they interviewed someone to intern for him... DOUBLE YOU, TEEEE, EFFF!!!! I am so bad at being demanding and asking for things... I dont know what to do anymore. My mind is all over the place with the new house and this new found frustration for my job. I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD!!! Sometimes I feel like I have moved backward in fact... It's sad and sometimes I want to cry, but I guess it's my own fault. I always thought someone would take me under their wing and teach me, and I've had false promises made to me about becoming "more involved" and then I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS??????? It just DOESNT HAPPEN!!! Maybe someone just thinks I AM A COMPLETE IDIOT!!!! I really dont know..... I've tried to prove myself and be a helpful and willing person... Open to whatever, but something needs to GIVE! I need SOMETHING! And to be frank, I'm not even sure what it is I need.... I feel so lost sometimes.

Maybe I need to open my mouth. I have a problem with that. I always had..... I don't know why. I think it may be an independence thing, like ILL FIGURE IT OUT! Somehow Ill make it work... I dont know... I really NEED to do something!! I find myself becoming miserable here and I once was soo happy... I REALLY WANTED to move in the direction of this marketing guy, but he probably thinks I am incompetent because that seems to be his attitude. I really just don't know... Right now I have no time to work on this, but maybe I do, maybe I'm just a slacker lacking motivation..... UGH LIFE!!!

On the other hand, I am beyond happy with our new home, and Matt and I find ourselves wanting to be HOME all the time... We're afraid of becoming Hermits... But we've been getting out... Ok im out!

Till we meet again -